My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
