That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
