im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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