return my video game
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
