They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
