I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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