What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
