dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
