If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
