That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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