Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
