omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
