Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
