96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
