You just made me feel so damn special
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
