this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
