do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
