cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
