the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
