you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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