Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
