There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
