I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
