He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
