Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize