I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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