he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
