yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
