is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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