sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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