Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
