sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i believe in u and ur pee
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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