btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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