her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
