I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
