My first STD was from a foam party
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
