There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The power of my boobs compel you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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