I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
