Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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