Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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