I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
