they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize