Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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