Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize