I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
