I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
