bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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