I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
its liver damage thursday
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
