I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
