foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
