You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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