The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize