Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
