I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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