I am spending my child support on dildos
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
