Sry I called you an 8
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
