I can text with my tongue
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
