YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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