Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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