before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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