Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this will be a night to untag.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
