I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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