Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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