I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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