a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize