i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
