So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
