Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
