We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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