tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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