Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
