So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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