sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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