1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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