and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
