I hate all girls vehemently.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
