You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This baby is an asshole
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
