i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
