She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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