I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
