I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
